As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
