Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
