Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
