My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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