Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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