You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
