I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
