When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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