How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
