nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
