a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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