My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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