Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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