I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
