Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
