my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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