You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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