So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
