is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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