I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
