im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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