This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
