I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
