If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
