She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
