New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the condom got lost in my hair
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
