Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
