the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
