roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
