I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
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"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
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I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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