A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
