I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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