Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
