three words: i give head
three words: not that well
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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