Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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