ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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