I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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