If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Life is so much better after having sex.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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