i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
