she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
