I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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