i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
