the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
