remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
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He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
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Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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