3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
