I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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