I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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