My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
