I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
