If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
