i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
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