Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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