last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
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HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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