One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
