if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
