my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
