Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
