I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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