The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
