Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
