U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I hate all girls vehemently.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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