My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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