she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
