Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
