I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
