Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
