there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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