Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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