Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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