Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
