Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
