Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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