Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
