I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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