Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
