Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
