your room smells of hookers.
And success
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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