Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
