So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
