Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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