Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
