I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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